You don't get far in the world with a name like Arnold.
It's the sort of name that you'd associate with old grandfathers; with dust-bunnies, suspenders, knee high socks and tick-tock biscuits. The sort of name that gets you picked on at school.
Arnold Kowalsky hated his name.
His homeroom teacher used to stress the first syllable - "Ar-nold," she'd slur, as she called the roll in the morning. "Is Ar-nold here?"
"Here ma'am," he'd respond sourly from where he was hunched over at a desk in the back corner.
"I'm here!" he'd shout. He was a soft-spoken boy. It didn't help that he was the shortest in the class, morbidly overweight, and had a nasty squint in his left eye.
As a child Arnold's pastimes included pulling wings off cockroaches, running an illegal homework exchange business behind his teachers' backs, and writing graphic torture porn on kink memes. Despite his rather soft and unstriking appearance, he was never bullied as he was notorious for jabbing pins under his enem